Opposite Action
Opposite Action is a technique that comes from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and works to address those emotional responses that often cause us more harm than good. Sometimes our emotional response is justified, you are verbally assaulted by an intoxicated individual outside a Denny’s following a Grand Slam brunch and feel a wave of anger run through your body. In this case, the emotional response feels justifiable, no? However, is it effective? With anger, we tend to feel our body tighten, teeth grind and fists clench as we prepare for battle. While you may have appropriate reasons for carrying these feelings, they often do more damage as our thoughts trail with all the reasons to continue to perpetuate the feelings of anger, frustration, fury and rage. Implementing the opposite action, instead of automatically falling into these patterns, we would evaluate the situation, think about what our default reaction is (the one that would in fact not really be helpful for our overall mental health) and how we can do the opposite. So, instead of a tightening of the body we relax the chest and allow the muscles throughout the body to follow suit. We could peal away the fingers from the clenched fists and pull back on the beartrap our jaw has become. This would be one way to find the opposite. Another way may be through perspective. Rather than only seeing through our lens, we take the other’s perspective (or imagined perspective). We step into the intoxicated individual’s shoes, feel their struggles and despair, and build a sense of empathy that may loosen the chains around our emotional wellbeing. And yet a third way would be to change one’s breathing and psychological regulation patterns. Perhaps we default to shallow, stilted breathing in times of anger. Pushing ourselves to take deep, controlled breathes to regulate our system would be the opposite action that creates a healthier balance in the moment.
Let’s use another example of something many of us experience, the feeling of being stuck (professionally, Stuck-itis or Stuck-tococcus). When you feel in a rut, trapped or stymied by how to move forward, where do you normally turn? The first step towards growth is identifying the patterns you automatically fall into that lead to the same unfulfilling results. For instance, when the feeling of stuckness overtakes it has been understood that some retreat to sweet embrace of their sofa and surrender to a continuous loop of reality television. While this may work to shake the dust from some individuals, I would venture to guess that the feelings of being stuck really don’t leave us alone following a retreat such as this. Rather than take the path just laid out, embracing the Opposite Action, we may look to the great outdoors to breath in new life or throw on an old exercise video to reinvigorate the blood through our veins. If exercise feels untenable, perhaps meditation (or just sitting quietly and observing the feelings running through your body and thoughts occupying your mind) or a deep listening session where you throw on an old favorite song (or album) and discover new brilliance to old flames. The cool thing is, you decide. Any maybe you’re thinking, “when I’m in stuck mode I am definitely not in brainstorming mode.” Ok, a workaround for that would be creating a list of opposites when in a creative mood that you can access and use when in a stuck mood (like getting a first aid kit put together and ready prior to when you need it). Allow yourself to find opposite actions that excite or inspire, and seem within reach so that you have a better change of accomplishing them (at least until that beautiful positive momentum builds).
Like we often hear, we can’t expect different results from doing the same actions. When you find yourself seeking different emotional outcomes because the ones you’ve been experiencing aren’t aligned with what you desire, consider the opposite action. Consider stepping back from the automatic response and getting a view from the opposing side.
Much love, Eric
